There comes a point in every relationship where it feels that you and your partner are not connecting. This happens to everyone and is perfectly normal. This feeling of disconnection could take the form of less sex, communication not flowing as easily or simply missing opportunities to connect. This place of frustration could take the form of fighting, or the opposite, withdrawing from eachother. This disconnection could take days or weeks and sometimes months to resolve.
Relationships take work, every relationship takes effort, and the more energy you put in, the higher the rewards.
If your relationship is at a standstill, here are some steps of Tantra for a little push in the right direction:-
1. Communication is key - In Tantra, it's all about opening your heart. Try expressing how you feel to your partner with an open heart. Some pointers...
- Before talking, close your eyes and breathe into your heart space (your chest area) to ensure that you are connecting with your own authentic feelings
- Start your sentences with "I feel this" and "I feel that". Never say "You did this". Sounding like an accusation will only serve to shut your partner down
- Talk softly and gently so keep your volume and tone in check
- Be committed to getting to the bottom of how both you and your partner and feeling
- It's important that both of you feel heard and seen so ensure that both of you get the chance to speak
- It's also important that you both feel safe to speak your truths so ensure that you keep the tone gentle and non-aggressive
- Choose a time that is more conducive to a peaceful outcome. Mornings and evenings tend to be a stressful time in any household. Schedule a time for an afternoon talk or on a weekend to be able to chat in a more relaxed way
- See your partner in a good light - try and see the good in what they are saying rather than jumping to the negative
- Trust is key- trust that what your partner is saying is their genuine truth
2. Touch is a great healer - hold your partner's hands when you are talking - this allows the positive energy to flow between you. Touch also elevates the feel-good chemicals in the brain.
3. Be present - Switch your phones off and talk away from distractions. Be present with your partner - this will make them feel important and worthy of your time and love. This is easier said than done but keep practicing, this is a skill worth mastering for all areas of your life
4. Look into your partner's eyes - Sit opposite eachother and look directly into your partner's eyes. Let your partner feel your pain/frustration/hurt - let your partner truly see you by allowing them to see deep into your eyes - the eyes are a powerful way to connect, and as they say, the eyes are the window into the soul
5. Try breathing together - close your eyes, sit knee-to-knee, and try to synch with your partner's breath. Listen out for the sounds of your partner's breath, feel their body lift and descend each time they breathe. Try and breathe with the same rhythm. This is a deeply Tantric practice, and again, it is easier said than done, however this is a powerful way to connect with your partner
6. Be real - some find it harder than others to communicate what they want and need in a relationship. The key is to be authentic with what needs and values really matter to you. Topics to talk with your partner about could be...
- What does connection mean to you?
- What do you value in a relationship?
- What do you need to see happen for you to feel more loved?
- If it feels that your needs and values are not on the same page or if there are trust issus, perhaps seek the assistance of a trusted friend or a psychologist.
7. Be More affectionate day-to-day - Touch is hugely powerful, not just when you are talking through a challenging topic, but in your daily lives. Holding hands releases powerful hormones as does hugging. Touch your partner as often as you can.
8. Kiss often - kissing releases powerful hormones and reduces stress! Kiss often to help reduce stress on both of you and to keep you in tune with your partner. Human pheromones are a powerful connector so tune in to the smells on your partner's lips to deepen your connection.
9. Gratitude - verbally express to your partner how you feel about them and what you are grateful to them for - gratitude is a powerful way to drop both your defenses and allows you to speak from a deeper more heart-centred place
10. Insulate Your Relationship - we are all busy with life and work, and the ups and downs of the every day can make it hard to connect with your partner. If it seems like weeks or months since you have connected with your partner, then this is not a good pattern. Schedule some time together, a date-night or a sleep-in where you can play and enjoy eachother's company. Do something fun together as a reminder of why you like eachother so much. It's important to get back on track as soon as you can.
If you want to dive deeper into your relationship and discover the ways that Tantra can help you feel more connected and minimise these periods of disconnection, here's a number of ways that we can support you...
At Sparkle Tantra, we offer the trusted wisdom of Tantra three ways...
- At Home... try our “Tantra for Couples Webinar” . This step-by-step online course allows you to discover skills and a pathway for more intimacy in the privacy of your own home
- On Retreat... check out our personalised “Tantra for Couples” and "Tantra for Singles” Personal Retreat Courses offered at the very beautiful SummerHills Retreat Byron Bay in NSW Australia. Take a break from the busy-ness of life and enjoy your own private spa-cottage to relax in for a few days in a pristine rainforest setting. These personal retreats include private sessions with your instructor who will teach you Tantra, step-by-step, in the privacy of your own cabin every day. These courses are for absolute beginners so no experience is needed.
- 1-on-1... if you would prefer your own private sessions, work with Francesca one-on-one and she will guide you with customised sessions to suit your own personal needs. These one-on-one sessions are available over Zoom, over the phone or in person. Reach out to Francesca for a chat about how she can help you at [email protected]
We look forward to connecting with you at Sparkle Tantra soon