We love tropical fruits in our household. Where we live on the East Coast of Australia we are very lucky to have a vast array of exotic fruits readily available. This week's trip to the local Farmer's Market was no different - we came home with half a dozen not-quite-ripe Guavas (pictured above). We waited a few days for them to ripen up nicely and my 23 year old son was eager to try them. We were delighted to find the most perfect looking fruit - elegant in shape, size, colour, smell, texture - even the seeds were so beautiful in size, shape, number and placement.

We were enjoying the first guava, marvelling at this wonder of Nature, when my son wanted to slice open a second guava. I suggested that we savour the moment and open only one guava a day - that we spread the joy over the coming few days as they were so marvellous.

He announced that he preferred to savour the moment right now - and eat them all in one sitting. I had to really stop myself from suggesting that my way was the better way - and to allow him to just be himself which was to dive right into the immersion of flavours, smells and utter delight. Who am I to say that my way is the right way? Or the only way?

This got me thinking about the concept of "holding space". It's a term that comes up alot in yoga, meditation and psychology, as well as Tantra and something that I do alot of in my work. "Holding space" is an important practice in Tantra, for both Couples and Singles.

So what does "holding space" mean in Tantra?

For Singles...

1. Listening - To hold space for yourself means to listen to what your mind, body and soul really needs at any point in time. If you are grieving an ex-partner and you feel that you are ready to shift the energy, try diving into a mindful physical activity which will help to shift the stagnant energy in your body. This will also help to boost your mind and heart energy.

You could try a range of yoga classes in your area, gym sessions or dance classes. Or go for a hike in some picturesque and tranquil nature! Increasing your physical activity is also good for your cardio and will also release lots of feel-good neuro-chemicals in your brain.

Or perhaps your body needs deep rest. So some deep relaxation time may be what you need.

The key here is to tune in to what your body, heart and mind are telling you. Be honest with yourself, be present and truly listen to the signals that your body is giving you.

Once you are able to "witness" yourself in this way, you will also be better equipped to witness your partner in your next relationship. It's all about understanding yourself to start with - because understanding self is the key to "being" in a functional relationship where you can feel truly contented. I can't emphasise enough how Tantra starts with Self !

2. Allowing - To hold space for yourself means to allow yourself to feel what you need to feel without changing it. This might sound like a contradiction to my previous point but it's a variation of it. Allow yourself to be sad, to be joyful, to be excited, to be concerned - but also be aware not to wallow in any of these emotions and getting stuck in one mindset for extended periods of time. We can't be happy all the time, just as we can't always be sad. Life is about a range of emotions and allowing them all to be there.

Having a mindset of acceptance gives way for a far deeper state of contentment as opposed to always trying to change "what is".

One of my favourite sayings is "it is what it is". Be present with how you are feeling without judgement - this helps you to cultivate compassion and tenderness towards yourself.

Developing a daily routine around self reflection and self inspection is a great way to allow yourself to sit in the emotion that is happening for you right now.

Meditation is a great way to get into a mindset of Allowing, as is Yoga. We keep coming back to these two powerful practices because they really work!

Committing to these daily practices requires dedication to yourself and allows you to feel supported, witnessed and bathed in self love - I talk more about how to focus on yourself in this blog post here on Tantra & Committment


3. Letting go - This is another variation of the above, Listening to what your mind, body and soul needs, Allowing whatever emotion needs to be there, and then Letting go of what no longer serves you.

Again I come back to Meditation and Yoga as powerful practices to support you in letting go of any negativity that may be sapping your energy.

I have some clients that do pottery as their mindfulness practice to help them let go of any negativity. I paint large canvases to help me transition me out of any "stuck" energy. Some people do gardening and feel renewed after a good wedding session!

Whatever mindfulness practice resonates with you - do more of that.

For Couples...

1. Listening - To hold space for your partner means to listen to where they are at - I mean - really listen. And be present with phones off and without distractions. Focus on your partner by holding their hand and looking softly into their eyes. A cup of tea is also helpful.

For example, if your partner is having difficulty communicating what they need in your shared intimacy, allow their difficulty to be there, allowing them to process how they feel, without judgement and without trying to change it. This is a powerful way to be become even closer with your partner. Your partner will feel deeply seen and heard if you allow them to share how they feel in their own words without telling them that they are wrong or trying to "fix" them.

Allow your partner to be vulnerable in a soft and gentle way.

This is called "Witnessing" and is an important step in Tantra that we cover in depth in our Tantra for Couples webinar.

2. Allowing - To hold space means to allow the other person to be themselves without judgement. As was the case with my son, he wanted the feeling of delight all in one sitting. By allowing him to eat the guavas all at once was allowing him to be himself - I was holding his space. This gives a feeling of safety, security and acceptance.

The same goes with your partner, by allowing them to be themselves without telling them they are wrong, this allows them to feel truly witnessed, supported, loved and understood.

And the more supported your partner feels, the deeper your bond will be. The ripple effect is that this will lead to feeling more connected as a couple and your lovemaking will be more juicy!

3. Letting Go - To hold space for your partner also means to let go of what no longer serves your relationship. So if you find yourselves in a pattern that is not working, change it up!

Listen to eachother, allow both of your needs and views to be there, but aim for solutions not problems.

Once a resolution is reached, try then to let go of any negativity.

If you get stuck in this pattern, this is where I can help with Tantra coaching to support your relationship to not just survive but to thrive.

Tantra helps to deepen your intimacy and super charge your sex life. After all, Sex is Medicine!

Your relationship is precious, it is also its own entity, so nourishing your relationship is just as important as nourishing your indivdual selves.

If you want to dive deeper into yourself and discover the ways that Tantra can help you feel more connected - to yourself, to your life and to your partner - here's a number of ways that we can support you..

At Sparkle Tantra, we offer the trusted wisdom of Tantra two ways...

  1. At Home... try our “Tantra for Couples Webinar” which is suitable for both Couples and Singles and no prior experience is necessary. This step-by-step online course allows you to discover skills and a pathway for more intimacy in the privacy of your own home. This webinar is a series of pre-recorded videos that you can stop and start at any time and watch on your phone, TV or laptop.
  2. 1-on-1... if you would prefer your own private sessions, work with Francesca one-on-one as either a Couple or a Single and she will guide you with customised sessions to suit your own personal needs. These one-on-one sessions are available over Skype, over the phone or in person. Reach out to Francesca for a chat about how she can help you at [email protected]


We look forward to connecting with you at Sparkle Tantra soon

Francesca xx