One of my favourite movies is "Limitless" starring Bradley Cooper, where he explores the expansiveness of his mind through alternative means. I'm personally not into drug-taking (as was part of the movie) however I love the concepts that the movie investigates.
I often use the word "limitless" with my clients. And of course, I'm promptly asked, what does this mean and how does it apply to Tantra and relationships?
Since Tantra is based around the idea of Connection, I talk alot about Connection (see my blog post on Connection here.)
But being "limitless" as a couple is alot more than just Connection.
So let's take a deeper dive into this feeling of "limitless".....
Limitless is just that... it's a feeling....
.... A feeling of expansiveness
.... A juicy sense that you are greater than the sum total of your mind, body and soul
.... A feeling that you can trancend all time and space
.... A feeling that you are connected to all living beings, connected to nature, connected to yourself, connected with your life purpose
... A feeling that you are on track, on point and on a natural high
.... A feeling that you are unstoppable and can take on the world
.... A feeling that you can live your best life to the fullest
.... A feeling that you can fly, leap off tall buildings, like there is nothing holding you back
.... A feeling of effervescing joy bubbling up inside your core, like fizzy lemonade travelling up through your spine
.... A feeling of butterflies in your stomach and a twinkle in your eye
If you are treading on eggshells around your partner, being scared to speak up or if you are feeling restricted to live your life your own way, then you are not expanding in your energy. It would be particularly difficult to feel "limitless" in this type of dynamic. This is because you are indeed contracting your energy, and at some stage there will be a breaking point where one or both of you will snap. Not always, but this is often the case.
We were not born to be boxed in or to live in a cage. A metaphoric cage. We were all born with expansive minds and hearts and there is nothing more beautiful than witnessing two people with deep connection that are also "limitless" with eachother. (I'm not talking about having no boundaries, but that's another blog post.)
In my 1-on-1 coaching, this question comes up alot - how does your partner make you feel? And if the answer is "small" or "compromised" or "tip-toeing around them" or any words of that nature - then you are not living your full, true and authentic self.
As humans, we all crave an all-consuming connection that makes us feel truly, madly and deeply loved, supported and wanted.
Is that a big yes from you?
That's because we are all wired to pair-bond. Every-single-one-of-us.
So this is a craving that lives deep within our limbic brains. Wanting a deep connection with another human is biological.
However wouldn't it be even better if this connection also made us feel big, empowered and equipped to take on the world?
This expansiveness is the feeling of "limitless" that I am talking about.
This expansiveness is a connection so juicy that it feels "limitless".
We all know couples like this - these are the magnetic couples that seem to be on fire! That light up any room! That seem to be so connected and supportive of eachother that nothing phases them. They also seem to be able to tackle any hurdle or curve ball thrown their way.
This is the couple that seem to sparkle together.
These are some big sweeping statements, so let's break this down and talk about....
How to be limitless as a Couple (and also as a Single)...
As with all things Tantra, it's an ongoing process, an evolution, a peeling of the onion layers...
1. To be limitless as a couple - as a starting point - BOTH partners need to be in a growth mindset. And by this, I don't mean that you have to be on the constant treadmill of doing personal growth courses or attending therapy (although both of these are very helpful if this is you. I do both and I love it!)
What I mean is.... both partners must have a willingness to grow, explore, understand, inspect and expand.
If you're both willing to be open and vulnerable to growth, then you have the best chance of evolving together as a couple and both reaching your full personal capacities without either of you having to "settle" or compromise too much of your own life's energy.
However if only one partner is in a growth mindset, then becoming a "limitless" couple is alot harder because it is only one person doing the introspection work, the "heavy lifting", that is needed to grow.
If this is the case in your relationship, then all is not lost. All the steps of Tantra will help your relationship to reach as much of its full potential as it can. The key here is that as one partner raises their standards and awareness, the other partner has the opportunity to step in and step up. If they don't and you are frustrated, therapy can help, as can Tantra.
Tantra is powerful internal work for both partners whether one or both are in a growth mindset. Tantra is a lifestyle of healthy habits which can support you wherever you are up to in your relationship. I write more about the benefits of Tantra here.
To be "limitless" as a couple, the steps of Tantra are the foundational work that you need to get there.
2. This starts with Committment to Yourself first as well as Committment to eachother in the relationship. I write more about this here.
3. If you're feeling disconnected from your partner, try these tips here to support your reconnection
4. If you have mismatching libidos, try these steps here
5. If one of you is "begging for love" try these steps here to support a greater balance between you
6. And most importantly, to be limitless as a couple requires you both to "hold space" for eachother which I describe more in this blog post here
7. Try the steps of Tantra - Tantra is a tried and true 5000 year old practice that will not only support greater self awareness for both partners, but will build confidence in both of you, will deepen your emotional connection, energise your sex life and will create healthy habits that will last a lifetime. The practice of Tantra is a step-by-step, layer-by-layer practice designed to stengthen your relationship. Over time, this practice will propel you towards that expansive "limitless" feeling as a couple.
8. If you are single, then focussing on becoming more resilient will help you to feel more expansive in your energy, I write more about this here
Are you ready to dive in? We are ready to support you and to help you feel "limitless", both as a Single and as a Couple.
At Sparkle Tantra, we offer the trusted wisdom of Tantra two ways...
- At Home... try our “Tantra for Couples Webinar” which is suitable for both Couples and Singles and no prior experience is necessary. This step-by-step online course allows you to discover skills and a pathway for more intimacy in the privacy of your own home. This webinar is a series of pre-recorded videos that you can stop and start at any time and watch on your phone, TV or laptop.
- 1-on-1... if you would prefer your own private sessions, work with Francesca one-on-one as either a Couple or a Single and she will guide you with customised sessions to suit your own personal needs. These one-on-one sessions are available over Skype, over the phone or in person. Reach out to Francesca for a chat about how she can help you at [email protected]
We look forward to connecting with you at Sparkle Tantra soon