We’ve all had kisses that we remember for different reasons....
- Some unforgettable kisses that are tender, dreamy and floaty
- Those kisses that are memorably passionate, steamy and electric where we lose all sense of space and time
- And then there are those awkward, clunky kisses that just don’t work - and let’s face it - we’ve all been there
If you're not sure if you are a good kisser, don’t fret, kissing is a skill that can be learnt. None of us are born already knowing how to pucker up, so we all have to discover how to kiss enjoyably at some point.
So regardless of whatever kissing experience you have right now, everyone has room for improvement, and the great thing is that you and your partner can discover delicious Tantric Kissing together.
The Importance of Kissing in Tantra
Since Tantra is a heart centred approach to intimacy, kissing is especially important:-
- The mouth is a vital part of the Tantric energy flow
- Especially in women, the upper lip of the woman's mouth is directly connected to her clitoris, so stimulation of the woman's upper lip provides direct stimulation to the clitoris without even touching the clitoris
- Given that Tantra is all about connection, it is also vital that all face-to-face contact works well with your partner - thus the flow of kissing is super important to feel that you gel with your partner
So if you have ever wanted to improve your kissing style, then read on if you want your kisses to be remembered for the right reasons …
The Benefits of Kissing
But why is kissing so important? I go into great detail in my course about one of the biggest factors for sexual attraction between two people being the pheromones on their mouth!
- It turns out that our brains are biologically wired to determine if we are kissing the right mate through the smells around the mouth and lips of your partner
- This also goes the same for body odour – put simply – if you like how your partner smells, then they are a good biological match for you!
- Of course there are other factors that determine whether a partner is right for you – but from a physical (evolutionary biology) point of view - the smell around a person’s lips will go a long way to determining whether you will feel sexual chemistry with them
- If the person smells “wrong” to you, there is unfortunately nothing that you can do about it. It’s not that the other person’s smell is “wrong” – it’s just wrong for you. They will of course smell “right” to someone else. However there is no way of knowing if they are the right biological fit for you until you get up close and personal.
“So if you are single and dating– my advice is to “ kiss early” – this will help to narrow down compatible potential partners fairly quickly” Francesca @ Sparkle Tantra
- Kissing also releases the neurochemical in our brains called Oxytocin which makes us feel good. So kissing in fact elevates our mood, is good for our health, increases our satisfaction with life and reduces stress!
- Above all kissing is joyful and playful !
So let’s say that you have found someone (or are already with someone) that you really like, and they smell right to you, BUT the kissing style between you is not enjoyable? This situation comes up a lot in my coaching so it’s worth exploring this topic in more depth.
Here are some Do’s and Don'ts below, as well as my Top 12 Steps to Becoming a Memorable Tantric Kisser (and for your kissing to be remembered for the right reasons):-
Do's & Don’ts:-
- Wide Open Mouth – Diving straight in with a big wide open mouth is very awkward to the receiver and feels like you are being kissed by an octopus, it feels mechanical rather than tender. Do start small, whether the kissing is passionate and steamy, or tender and cute, always start a kiss with closed lips
- Too Many Sounds – if you are making lots of sounds during a kiss or if you are sucking too hard, then you are going too fast. Slow down. Kissing is playful thus it is usually fairly quiet - your kissing doesn't need to sound like a vacuum cleaner. Even passionate and energetic kissing is generally quiet. Do slow down and relax and keep breathing during your kisses. Keep your lips loose so that you are not suctioning your partner. If you can't breathe through your nose, then slow down even more so that you can still take some breaths
- Too Much Saliva – if your mate is dripping with saliva when they kiss, then they are moving their tongue too much and not moving their lips enough. Alot of tongue and not much lip movement can produce a lot of saliva. This becomes an unpleasant drool-fest very quickly - it feels like you are being kissed by a wet dog. Do slow down and use more lips, less tongue, relax into the kissing - this reduces saliva production
- Turbo Tongue – this is where your mate sticks their tongue into your mouth and continuously jabs your mouth with their tongue, even to the point of feeling like your tonsils are being licked. This depth of tongue can feel great in the throes of passion but deep tongue too soon is unpleasant and feels like you are being jack hammered. Do begin every kiss with closed lips, not with the tongue down the throat
- Pecking – this is where the other person never opens their mouth at all and it feels like you are being pecked by a bird. This is not pleasant and does not feel passionate - you can kiss your grandma like this on the lips, but not your lover. Do open your mouth at some stage during the kiss
- Licking – it is quite nice when you get into a kiss to do some form of nibbling and licking. However when a kiss is just starting out, it is quite awkward if someone is licking you all over your face and neck like a dog. Do save the licks for later
- Statue Tongue – this is where your partner’s tongue sits rigidly in your mouth and doesn’t move. Kissing is meant to be playful, and if someone's tongue doesn't move, it feels like you are being kissed by a statue. Do move your tongue so that the kissing feels flowing and passionate rather than robotic
- Biting – if your mate bites your top or lower lip really hard, and too soon, this is not enjoyable. Do introduce a little nibble if you wish but not continuously and not very hard. In fact, a woman biting a man's lower lip and a man biting a woman's upper lip helps with the energy flow of Tantra
- Teeth – if your mate comes at you with all their teeth bared and all you hear is the sound of teeth clinking, this is awkward. Do be careful to take your time to position yourself so that teeth don't clink
- Face Grabbing – if your mate grabs your face and won’t let you go, this is not only awkward but can also feel disrespectful. Do place your hands on your partner's face if you wish but don't jam them in to a headlock
- Bad Breath - smelly breath is unpleasant and is caused by dehydration, lack of teeth brushing, smoking, poor diet or eating something pungent. Do brush teeth before a kissing session, stay hydrated and be mindful of a healthy diet
- Puckering - If you are giving dozens of individual kisses rather than one long lingering kiss, this can feel unromantic. Do use your lips in one continuous movement. There is no need to remove your lips from your partner's lips to create separate puckers, otherwise it feels like you are being kissed by a child rather than your lover. Take your time, slow down, keep breathing normally and go for one long lingering kiss rather than lots of little puckers. The same goes for body kisses - long lingering kisses along your lover's body not individual puckers feels far more romantic and enjoyable for the receiver
My Top 12 Tips on How to Become a Legendary Tantric Kisser:-
- POSITION: Step into your partner and find a position on your partner’s body to place your hands gently, lovingly, such as their shoulders, chest, arms, hips or face
BREATH: In this position, start by tuning in to your partner’s breath and gazing into their eyes – it’s all about synching the breath! Listen for their breathing and try to synch your breath with theirs
- Ensure that your breath is pleasant by brushing your teeth. If this is not possible then a drink of water normally clears any bad smell in the mouth and throat if you are dehydrated
- If your partner's breath smells foul then gently suggest that you both have a drink of water or both brush your teeth - there is no easy way to do this, but by being playful and light hearted about it, and suggesting that you both do it, then it's less confronting
LIPS ONLY FIRST: Lean in and gently press your lips on their lips – ever so sweetly and tenderly - at this stage both your lips are closed – don’t ever start a kiss with a wide open mouth – light kissing is really the first base of kissing - all kisses need to start lightly. Even if the moment is heated and passionate, light lip kissing will make the moment even more passionate!
- If your partner goes straight in with an open mouth, then gently pull away and say “I really love it when you kiss me like this” and kiss your mate tenderly on the lips with your mouth closed. The key is not to shame your partner and to always adopt the approach of “show not tell” to ensure that your partner does not lose confidence
- Kisses should never be rushed, so take your time, and never start a kiss with your whole tongue entering your partner’s mouth
- Pause and linger like this for a few seconds – just pressing lips together - take a few breaths and enjoy smelling your partner’s lips and the area around their mouth – take your time and soak up this delicious moment. Shift your focus from their top lip to their bottom lip – less is more at this early stage - less is also a nice way to tease and build tension
- Kisses are more enjoyable if they are one long continuous movement rather than separate individual pecks - lingering, not pecking, is the key
- With your lips slightly parted, it's also quite nice to be still and simply breathe into your partner's open mouth - feeling your partner's warm breath can be incredibly arousing
PARTING YOUR LIPS MORE: As you start to pucker up even more, start to part your lips ever so slightly so that both your lips are starting to open, like the slight opening of the petals on a flower – your mouth is still not wide open at this stage. Stop and take a few breaths, and again, enjoy the moment, your mate’s smell, and feel the sensations running through your body
- If your partner still kisses too hard at this point, again pull back and say “I love it like this” or simply say “gentle” and show them how to kiss gently – the key with Tantra is everything is done slowly
- Be sure to complement your partner if they are kissing you how you like to be kissed with words like “mmmm” or “yum” or “you’re a good kisser!”
- Move your hands at this stage – to their neck, to their face, to the back of their head – always gentle and slow - no sudden movements
- If you are already lovers then hands on breasts or genitals is also very erotic
- Don’t grab your partner’s head so that they are unable to move. Ensure that whatever position you are in that your partner is free to move around as they like
- If your partner grabs your head so that you can’t move, then gently pull away and remove their hands with your hands and say “I like to be a bit more free to move”
- If your partner does not ever open their mouth, then keep pressing your lips on theirs and see if you can gently coax their lips open with your lips
- Remember to also stop and be still a few times during the kiss to breathe into your partner's open mouth - this stillness and presence of breath is very sexy and really allows the Tantric energy to flow between you very freely and lovingly
TOUCH TONGUE TIPS: After a little while of gentle light kissing, you will find a natural rhythm, so don’t worry about keeping track of time. Kissing is meant to be timeless so don’t overthink it, but try opening your mouth even more and touch your partner’s tongue with the tip of your tongue. Just ever so gently, just as a way of saying “hi, I’m here”. But there is no jabbing of the tongue or searching of the mouth with your tongue just yet
- Switch between pressing your lips vs touching tongues – this is still the light kissing stage where you can also vary the pressure of your lip-pressing and tongue-touching
- Also switch between pressing on their upper lip vs lower lip
TONGUE SEARCHING: By now you are getting into the 2nd stage of the kiss which is a bit more passionate, sparks are starting to fly and your mouth starts to widen a lot more. You start to introduce more tongue so that your tongue is now licking your partner’s tongue as opposed to just touching the two tongue tips together
- If your partner’s tongue doesn’t move then change your own movements to show your partner what you would like them to do. Gently touch the tip of their tongue and start to lick your partner’s tongue until they follow your lead
SWITCHING: In this more passionate stage, where you are switching between touching tongues, pressing lips and licking tongues, you are still pulling away a fair bit between these movements so that the kiss is still slow and gentle - this also creates sexual tension between you
- breathe between each movement and take the time to notice the smell of your partner
- slow down and take your time to linger - a kiss that jumps around feels a little weird
- open your eyes occasionally and look into eachother’s eyes – this is important in Tantra
- flash a smile as well to show your partner that you are having a good time
- slow right down even more to breathe into your partner's open mouth
- GENTLE BITING: If you wanted to gently bite your partner’s bottom lip, now could be the time to do this - but ever so gently – this should be only a very gentle tug of the lips - blood should never be drawn. You could even bite the tip of their tongue but this would need to be a super gentle nip only
WHOLE MOUTH: By now your whole mouths are open, this is the final stage where you have completely surrendered to the kiss. Remember to vary the pressure and change up the movements, switching is key when the kiss gets hot and heavy
- If there is too much sound or too much saliva, then slow down, use more lips, less mouth and less tongue
- Kissing should never involve sucking or slurping – if this is the case - then again – slow down – take a breath and go back to the basics of lips only lightly touching
- Kissing is also fairly quiet – if there is a lot of noise this could be annoying your partner – slow down and go back to basics
- Your mouth should not be so wide that you are taking in their nose
- If your mouth is bigger than your partner’s, then close your mouth a bit more so that your partner’s mouth doesn’t feel swallowed up
- Continuous jabbing of the tongue is unpleasant – remember to switch it up – vary the speed and change the movement
- If your teeth are clinking together, then slow down, take a breath and vary your movements
BREAKS: For a long kissing session, it is important to take a break to give you a chance to catch your breath. There is no need to disconnect the embrace, just simply pull your head away and kiss their jawline, chin or neck. Come back to their lips and then their mouth again – it’s important to vary the intensity and speed as well as taking regular breaks. A kissing session like this could last for hours with regular breaks, otherwise continuous kissing with no breaks can get a little overwhelming
- remember to also look into your partner's eyes from time to time - this will deepen your connection and make you feel closer
- SPACE: The space between you will also reduce as things heat up – press yourself against your partner even more for the bodily sensations to really flow
- FEEDBACK: Communication is key – talking during a passionate kiss can be a turn off but try talking about it afterwards if feedback is needed – keep it positive and encouraging and along the lines of “I loved it when you…” and “can we do less of…” or “…. felt really good”
For more tips on how to rock your kissing style, we are ready to support you. Whether you have just met someone or are in a long term relationship - there is always room for improvement on both sides.
At Sparkle Tantra, we offer the trusted wisdom of Tantra two ways...
- At Home... try our “Tantra for Couples Webinar” which is suitable for both Couples and Singles and no prior experience is necessary. This step-by-step online course allows you to discover skills and a pathway for more intimacy in the privacy of your own home. This webinar is a series of pre-recorded videos that you can stop and start at any time and watch on your phone, TV or laptop
- 1-on-1... if you would prefer your own private sessions, work with Francesca one-on-one as either a Couple or a Single and she will guide you with customised sessions to suit your own personal needs. These one-on-one sessions are available over Skype, over the phone or in person. Reach out to Francesca for a chat about how she can help you at [email protected]
We look forward to connecting with you at Sparkle Tantra soon